Tag Archive | mothers

Extreme parenting in all cultures

I shuddered when reading the reviews and interviews of Amy Chua.

One example :

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jan/15/amy-chua-tiger-mother-interview


She reminded me too much of my own mother, and no, she wasn’t Chinese. Rather she was from a certain background and a generation stuck in the past. I don’t believe this is necessarily a case of Chinese vs Western styles, you can find extreme ways of parenting in all cultures.
Children need love and encouragement, not being put down and threatened all the time. We all have our own strengths. Children should not feel bad if they’re less able in one are, they might be great in another. All talents are needed, otherwise, there would be no point, if we were all capable of doing absolutely everything!

I expect most children raised in this way rebel sooner or later. I’m not Chinese but the system she advocates is not far off the way my mother treated me.
It doesn’t make for happy children or adults. I had to learn to shake off all the labels and the fear.

With my children, I am the complete opposite. I want them to feel loved and have the confidence to find their strengths and thus give their best.

https://elleamberley.wordpress.com/2010/03/16/mother-love/


http://thegoodchinesemother.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/challenging-chua/

http://blog.seattlepi.com/parentingadabsurdum/archives/235930.asp

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Staying at home with the kids

A post in response to my friend Peryl’s post :

” There are a lot of people – politicos, authors, strangers at Starbucks, my mother, to name a few – who question the absolute value of the work of a stay-at-home mother.

Linda Hirshman, Author of Get to work: A Manifesto for Women of the World famously said: “women who quit their jobs to stay home with their children [are] making a mistake….the tasks of housekeeping and child rearing [are] not worthy of the full time and talents of intelligent and educated human beings. “

My take on the matter :

It’s a personal choice.
What about just enjoying your children, they grow up so quickly!
I find being with my children fulfilling, they are so inquisitive and full of life, so enthusiastic!
I suppose a lot of it depends what you do with your time.
Personally I feel so overstimulated, I fear for my brain.
Maybe that explains the encephalitis I had last week.
I stay at home, well,  in between all the travelling that is.
Now where am I again ?
Oh yes, back in Paris, for now..
I’m proud to say I look after my children, I home-educate them (they are bilingual).We’re always busy busy busy.
Somehow in the midst of all that I write. I’ve got 2 books on the go, one in english and the other one in french.
Whatever  possessed me to start writing in french ?!
So there you are, I ‘m probably a bit mad and a bit too creative.
Let’s enjoy our Mummy time while it lasts.You can never experience these early years again.

P.S. Don’t forget to read my friend’s blog, it’s a brilliant read and she often makes me laugh.

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Regrets ?

Regrets ? me? not really!

After all, what’s in the past should stay firmly in the past! You should live in the present.

Learn from your past, whether good or bad and then move on!

Keep for best

My mother was very much of the “keep for best” generation.When she died, there were cupboards filled to the brim with delicate china, used once or twice, clothes she wore on very rare occasions…you get my drift.

She died when I was still a teenager.She was an “older” mum, quite unusual at the time.

It made me realise you should appreciate your life for what it is now and enjoy what you have.

What is the point of having nice things if you do not use them or even see them ?!

Nothing is really sacred in our house, sure accidents do happen although oddly enough all the treasures accumulated by my mother and my own souvenirs have escaped quite unharmed.

I have kept some of the china my mother never dared to use, only one piece got damaged and that occurred on moving houses!

So when a treasured toy or other gets damaged, broken or redundant, I tell my children to remember how they enjoyed that particular item and many more toys, cuddlies…are yet to be cherished.

Possessions are just that, they don’t always last but your memories live on inside of you.

Motherhood quotes

  • I believe that always, or almost always, in all childhoods and in all the lives that follow them, the mother represents madness. Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we’ve ever met.   M.Duras
  • A mother who is really a mother is never free.
    H. de Balzac
  • Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.  ~Mildred B. Vermont
  • The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh
  • The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.  ~Honoré de Balzac
  • When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.  ~Sophia LorenWomen and Beauty
  • A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.  ~Victor Hugo
  • A little girl, asked where her home was, replied, “where mother is.”  ~Keith L. Brooks
    What my little boy said when asked the same question!

• “A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s.” — Diana, Princess of Wales

• “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.” — J.Kennedy-Onassis

Tears in my eyes

I’m very emotional, not the type to blubber for no good reason just very sensitive and sometimes a bit too compassionate, but that’s another story.

Growing up, I learned to cry in private, the slightest sign of tears would only bring me more trouble.
So, not to make matters worse for myself, I’d choke inside, hardly able to breathe, trying my damnest not to show how it all affected me.

Over the years I’ve cried rivers, sometimes torrents of tears, hurting and grieving, the pain sometimes seemingly unbearable.

Then, one day, I realised one can cry happy tears, the ones that happen for the simplest events, those little things that matter to you so much and make you so happy.

Just watching my children playing or having a good time can bring on the tears of joy.I can feel my eyes starting to well up, overwhelmed with this happy feeling.

Moments to treasure and look back upon, these precious moments that get you through the tough times and warm you up inside to remind you that life isn’t always perfect but it always get better again, eventually!

© elleonthego

cuddles …always


What makes a good mum?

  • I try my best.I’m not perfect.
  • I do try to instil optimism and self-confidence to my children.
  • I give them all my love and lots of  cuddles

The hardest part is when you realise you cannot make things better all the time.

Sometimes, try as you might, cuddles will not make the hurting go away or the tears go away.

Not straight away !

My son, so sensitive, easily upset.It takes time and patience to comfort him.When he was a baby,I thought I’d suddenly become a bad mother overnight.He used to cry so much and scream.I used to find it unbearable and then one day I realised that was his way.Yes,he was still crying but he was also reassured by my presence and comforted by my cuddles

It had been different with my daughter,she was also forever in my arms.She too is  very sensitive but the minute I’d pick her up, she would stop crying and she was always smiling.I guess you do it once and everything is so perfect, you think you know it all.

All children are different.Mine are very alike but they do have their differences too.

Motherhood is a constant learning process, you have to go with the flow sometimes,trust your instincts, adapt constantly and relax.

You should also learn not to blame yourself constantly.There are up and downs, it’s part of the learning curve.Life is never perfect, nor are mothers!