Tag Archive | learning

Easy Life?

Who said life was easy?

My mother died when I was a teenager. Many years have passed but I’m still learning about her, not from family or friends. When she married my father she distanced herself from the only friend she had and there is no family.

My mother is still a mystery to me. I discovered many things about her after her death, through letters and legal documents. Photos revealed a woman who was a far cry from the old-fashioned, prim and proper mother I knew.

Writing has helped me sort out my feelings and offered perspective. Friends never understand how I’ve forgiven her for the miserable childhood  I had.

As a mother I’ve struggled to understand the hows and the whys. I also missed the special bond most mothers and daughters have when a grandchild is born. Knowing this would not have happened didn’t lessen the void. Seeing friends with their mothers sometimes hurt.

Life is a long path of recognition and learning. Not so long ago, it finally dawned on me that more than having just grown up in difficult circumstances, my mother was suffering from a mental illness.

It all came clear to me that morning. Why did I never even suspect it? I was raised not to question things, but I did. I kept it all to myself. But my mother, well, I was so afraid of her. She was so strong, indomitable.

All the crazy spells, smiling and screaming the next minute, throwing a basin full of water at me in public, trashing my room in the middle of night while raving.

Still, I didn’t click. Because for years I lived with guilt, like many children who have suffered abuse, I thought it all my fault. I was conditioned to believe everything that happened was somehow my fault. It’s not easy shaking those labels.

Her son from a previous marriage is schizophrenic. I wasn’t told this until after she had died. It was not something my mother wanted known, another secret under the carpet. I didn’t even find out he was my half-brother until I was 12. He terrorized me through my childhood. I remember my mother taking him to this centre, it was only years later that I learned what this centre was.

So here I am, all these years later, proud mummy to my gorgeous children. Who said life was easy? But one thing is for sure, you learn something every day, and with love you cannot go wrong.

Homeschool fun

My daughter completed a project on otters and gave us a presentation today. She enlightened us with various facts at the end.

Baby otters do not like water. Mums have to push them in the water.

LOL Her little brother thought it hilarious.

On another note, she has just completed another short story which has been entered in a competition. Fingers crossed!

She certainly has caught the bug and is forever looking at my wordcount. Yes, Mummy is writing her new book and is not tweeting much, apologies to fellow birds. I shall be back!

How little we know

My daughter thinks I know everything and believes I’m always right.I’m forever explaining to her that in reality no-one knows it all and that learning is a constant process, that in fact we all know very little .

I tell her how we never stop learning and remind her how her “know-it-all” mother struggles with new technical terms and that perseverance is the key.

Yes,I might speak foreign languages, I’m a writer, I’m well-read and well-travelled.Yet, there is so much I do not know, languages I cannot speak.

There are also subjects I have no interest in, ones that even if I can manage to get my head round them do not create this urge in me to find out more and more.

I do not care for finances much being the creative type.I love making and creating, I cannot get enthused about the revenue it creates.

Sometimes I could make my life a little easier and instead of struggling with all the technical stuff , I could have had someone  help me but I take  pride  in learning by myself.It’s not perfect and there’s much more to do but I feel I have accomplished something and pushed myself a little further.

That is the message I try to convey to my children.You can always go the extra length and take pride in what you do.The more you learn , the more you realise how much more there is to know.How exciting it is to be on a perpetual voyage of discovery!