Tag Archive | experience

I’m a woman on the verge

Women on the Verge is a wonderful community of women, not afraid to speak their minds, coming from all walks of life and spread over the world. All wonderful women with stories to tell, experiences to share and most of all very supportive of each other.

It is an honour to be part of this wonderful community. I’d never joined one before but I’m glad I was introduced to WOTV. Wish I had more time to chat to all of them and in particular  Ana, it’s been a funny year, so much happening !I created my first post on their site, never realising how much I’d love it and how liberating it would be.

I’ve always found writing a good way to exorcise pain. As a novelist I write fiction, although there’s a little piece in me in everything I write and I don’t mean the blood, sweat and tears…Writing blogs posts on WOTV prompted me to start my own blog. Sharing experiences and pain lightened my soul and it’s amazing the response you get when you opened to people.

I’ve often been in tears because of it. Even if you only help one person by writing about abuse, heartache, grief… it’s a blessing. We all have a voice and experiences to share, it’s a powerful and amazing way to help each others.Long live women on the verge!
So go have a look :

http://www.womenontheverge.net/

A poet? me?

I’ve been writing ever since I was a little kid, never thought of much until I was in my twenties.I certainly never thought I would ever make a living out of it.Writing has always come to me naturally, so  I never assumed it could be any good.

I’ve always got plenty of ideas, just always lacking the time.Then, I find myself in the middle night writing a bit more, fighting this constant war between my brain and the torrent of words that want to escape.Yeah, I know, I sound mad again.

These days, my writing style has changed.Previously I wrote mainly fiction and sometimes magazine articles but recently a funny thing happened.As I was recovering from an illness and grieving the loss of my baby, I finally started to find myself again under all that pain.

Then one day as my life had so completely changed, I wrote my first poem.There, I’ve said it! I’d never written anything like this before, I never even considered it was a poem.Bizarrely, it all came out in five minutes flat and in French.Well,that’s another, long story and no, I’m not french.

The Dear One gently forced me to write it down, you see.He knows when I get so restless, my brain itching to let the words out so that day he sat me down, put paper on the table and a pen in my hand.He urged me to let it all out and there it was, the words surprising me as I struggled to keep pace with them.

So I started to write more and more, even started this blog, it seemed like a good idea, although at the time I wondered what I would put on this blog, when I’d find the time and why would anybody be interested.The truth is, none of this really matters because this has also been a wonderfully liberating experience.

I can add content whenever I want, nobody has a say on what I write but it has helped me expressing all sorts of emotions and sharing intimate details of my life i never would have thought of sharing before.
When I say liberating though, this brings up another paradox.Yes, it is liberating but I’m now even more of a slave to writing.

So back to poems, I remember the first time somebody wrote to me about my poems.I thought that was just a fluke but then the comments kept on coming.I know it doesn’t really matter what they are after all, the point is that somebody out there enjoyed or appreciated what I wrote.

Today, yet again several people referred to my poems, it still surprises me.I just never saw myself as somebody who could write poems so thank you for all the lovely comments here and on twitter, I really do appreciate them.

Tears in my eyes

I’m very emotional, not the type to blubber for no good reason just very sensitive and sometimes a bit too compassionate, but that’s another story.

Growing up, I learned to cry in private, the slightest sign of tears would only bring me more trouble.
So, not to make matters worse for myself, I’d choke inside, hardly able to breathe, trying my damnest not to show how it all affected me.

Over the years I’ve cried rivers, sometimes torrents of tears, hurting and grieving, the pain sometimes seemingly unbearable.

Then, one day, I realised one can cry happy tears, the ones that happen for the simplest events, those little things that matter to you so much and make you so happy.

Just watching my children playing or having a good time can bring on the tears of joy.I can feel my eyes starting to well up, overwhelmed with this happy feeling.

Moments to treasure and look back upon, these precious moments that get you through the tough times and warm you up inside to remind you that life isn’t always perfect but it always get better again, eventually!

© elleonthego

cuddles …always


What makes a good mum?

  • I try my best.I’m not perfect.
  • I do try to instil optimism and self-confidence to my children.
  • I give them all my love and lots of  cuddles

The hardest part is when you realise you cannot make things better all the time.

Sometimes, try as you might, cuddles will not make the hurting go away or the tears go away.

Not straight away !

My son, so sensitive, easily upset.It takes time and patience to comfort him.When he was a baby,I thought I’d suddenly become a bad mother overnight.He used to cry so much and scream.I used to find it unbearable and then one day I realised that was his way.Yes,he was still crying but he was also reassured by my presence and comforted by my cuddles

It had been different with my daughter,she was also forever in my arms.She too is  very sensitive but the minute I’d pick her up, she would stop crying and she was always smiling.I guess you do it once and everything is so perfect, you think you know it all.

All children are different.Mine are very alike but they do have their differences too.

Motherhood is a constant learning process, you have to go with the flow sometimes,trust your instincts, adapt constantly and relax.

You should also learn not to blame yourself constantly.There are up and downs, it’s part of the learning curve.Life is never perfect, nor are mothers!