The hazards of social networking

Until last year I only used my computer for writing and a little research on the Internet.All that changed when we finally got broadband.I know…

At the time I was recovering from a debilitating illness which resulted in the loss of my unborn baby.As I started finding myself again, a chance discovery on the Internet precipitated the return of my springing back to life.It was while searching for french  nursery rhymes to teach to my children that a link appeared.I was rather shocked at first, since it echoed from somewhere deep in my past, but also incredibly curious.Something that I’d long forgotten and buried brought back memories of the little girl I once was.

It reminded me of who I am, pushed me to re-evaluate my life and reconcile the many different aspects of my personality.I’ve had an unusual life…

Soon afterwards, I created a Myspace profile.I had no intentions in doing so to make new “friends”,the concept at the time sounding seemingly bizarre.After all, I had resisted my own friends’ calls to join them on Facebook.I’ve always been music mad, music provided  an escape for me growing up and still plays a huge part in my life.That’s why I was so taken with Myspace, the access to so many bands and their music.

Immediately came friend requests form total strangers which I found a little odd to begin with.

As I ended going to Paris one day, I happened to meet some of my new friends, a thoroughly pleasant experience.That week-end I was also to meet a very special person for the first time so we ended up staying longer than initially planned.

Many of my friends had started  following me onto Myspace by then.It was fantastic to exchange message,videos with friends living far away. When you have lived in as many countries as I have, it can be difficult to stay in touch.Through my illness and grief I had sort of withdrawn.All my energy was focused on my children, the grief I experienced had killed me inside and nearly sent me mad.Illness, for me, was a lot easier to cope with than grief.

I started to feel alive again, the constant river of tears finally drying up.As I re-evaluated my life, I realised I had choices to make.For a  few years since before I had lost my baby, things had been pretty difficult and I had been very unhappy, now I was faced with the decision to carry on as I was or to turn my life round again.Trouble was I’d long grown too tired to think about it, I’d isolated myself partly through pride and hadn’t really talked to anybody about it.

As 2 of my friends came back to live in England one day, they were quite shocked to see how I’d changed in so little time.Once I started talking, I didn’t stop.It snowballed and soon all my friends were told.I was quite ill again thoroughly exhausted and with so many decisions to make.(There is so much more I could say, some of it a little too private.)I started seeing things much more clearly being away from all the painful reminders.

Social networking gives you the opportunity of getting to know people you  would never have met otherwise, some people like you, others completely different, many, very interesting characters.I ‘ve also learned a lot and  surprised myself in many ways.I enjoy new skills, that is when I’m not screaming with frustration because the computer is too slow or my lack of knowledge when it comes to technical stuff .

I did get my happy ending after all, a rather unexpected one.I’ve learned a great deal over the last year or so, I got back in touch with myself, reconnected in more ways than one.I’ve remembered the little girl I was and her struggles and how she came through.I know I’m strong and confident again and capable of so much more.

We are free to survive our lives and to live our lives to the full.

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